That's what I need. Something to take in all I have to say without judgment.

It sucks how fast things can change in this world, sometimes.

As the day I spoke the most canto in along time!

It was pretty crazy. I just kept bumping into people who would speak to me only in canto... and I tried to force myself to hold a conversation and it was hard (except with the people who I order my food from but that's cause I only order stuff I know how to say when i'm practicing canto)... The harder ones were when people came over to my house to ask me if I thought the world was going to survive and I tried to talk in canto but it was really awkward. I think they sensed I was struggling and then he ended early. Usually I talk to those people for 20-30 mins. Another one was with my family friend at the badminton tournament who was speaking to me in complete canto about her son cause he was playing there too (u15 but looks like he's 16 ish) =/

I need to really revive my canto culture before it fades completely. I noticed a lot of people in my family are losing their ability to speak our dialect too. =/

On another note, the tournament was ok today. We probably could have done better but that's what everyone says about themselves. The closest game I had was 22-20 and 21-19 (we won). I spoke with one of my past coaches about training again so I might get back into that... hopefully doing it at a higher level though. Gotta cut the weight and increase my strength too.

What are you thankful for this time of the year?

I've been pretty stressed out/emo for the last few months/years, for whatever reasons. Sometimes I can't explain it, and sometimes I feel really stupid because I know there are ppl in the world that are going through a lot worst. But I guess the feeling can only really be understood by me cause it applies relatively to how i've felt in the past.

The last few nights i've been missing sleep, 3, 4, 5 am have been normal. Last night was a 3 am night and I stayed up cleaning my room a bit. I'm trying to reorganize my life a bit so that I don't get so stressed out over things.

I was reading over a good friend's old xanga posts and he brought up something that I really agree with. It's about how we create this stress ourselves. Of course, there's things we can't "control" but a large part of it is your attitude towards whatever it is you have to do.Now, I know that i'm someone who likes being busy and is doing stuff but the more I tell people i'm busy, the busier I feel (even if nothing has really changed too much) and the more stress I feel. I've been feeling really stupid because suddenly this new "schedule" that i'm trying to keep up with (meetings, work, school, friends, club stuff) is suppose to somehow make me feel more occupied and "important" for other ppl (in terms of the work i'm doing for/with them). I think I need someone to slap me and just tell me to move on with life cause are all these little things that are bogging me down going to even matter to me a few years down the road?

Task lists, calendars, blackberries, planners, sticky notes. Although these are all useful tools to organize your life, I almost have reason to believe they stress you out because they always keep you so narrowed in/focused on what it is you're suppose to be doing rather than what you could be doing. I've lost a lot of the spontaneity in my life because there's all this stuff that just needs to get done, and then I force myself to schedule time for it and lose the whole "let's go out and grab a coffee and read or something" or "let's go ride the skytrain to both ends for no reason, just for fun". I'm pretty ashamed that I still haven't ridden the Canada Line yet. Jesus christ what kind of citizen are you? And you have a freaking Upass too.

I think i've sacrificed a lot, in terms of my values, my friends, my own personal life style, my family, and my academics in an effort to meet up to these so called expectations of how i'm suppose to be living like. I know I can't recover anything and it would be stupid to try to anyways but hopefully learning this life lesson really teaches me to cherish the stuff that can be easily lost cause most of the times it's not easy to get back.

To end off for now, i'm going to do this information sheet that I came upon on my friend's page... this is my way of procrastinating on more work, and sleep.

i n f o r m a t i o n

1. name: andrew
2. single or taken: single
3. sex: no thanks, i'm alive though
4. birthday: oct 23
6. siblings: two sisters
7. hair color: black
8. curly or straight: straight (the hairstylist actually said that today)
9. eye color: brown
10. shoe size: 11-12
11. height: 184 cm?

r e l a t i o n s h i p s

1. who are your best friends?: i don't think i believe in labeling people as best friends anymore
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
f a s h i o n | s t u f f

1. where is your favorite place to shop: seattle premium?
2. any tattoos or piercings: nope
3. getting any more?: no
4. like people with tattoos or piercings?: not sure yet

s p e c i f i c s

1. do you do drugs?: just pharmaceuticals
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: whatever works
3. what are you most scared of?: disappointment
4. who is the last person that called you?: dorothy
5. where do you want to get married?: some place with food
6. how many people are online on your msn/etc.?: 120
7. What would you change about yourself?: the part where i stress myself out

f a v o r i t e s

1. color: black?
2. food: asian
3. boys names: andrew
4. girls names: not sure.
5. subjects in school: accounting is currently the best one..
6. animals: not the hugest fan of animals
7. sports: badminton

h a v e | y o u | e v e r

1. given anyone a bath?: yeah myself
2. smoked?: nope don't see myself ever doing it too
3. bungee jumped?: nah
4. made yourself throw up?: nope
5. skinny dipped?: no
6: ever been in love?: I would think so
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
8. snuck out of your house?: not really i just leave whenever
9. actually been arrested?: nope
10. cried when someone died?: yeah
11. lied: i think so
12. fallen for your best friend?: not best friends
13. been rejected?: nope
14. rejected someone?: i would think so yeah
15. used someone?: business = about using people apparently...
16. done something you regret?: try to live life with no regrets but yes i have

c u r r e n t

clothes: arcteryx sweater and ib sweats
make-up: none
annoyance: want a massage
smell: milk tea
desktop picture: entrepreneurship
book you're reading: managerial econ textbook...
in cd player: jay chou
in dvd player: n/a

l a s t | p e r s o n

you touched: winston (handshake from badminton)
hugged: i can't remember the last person i hugged
msged you: rachel
you yelled at: probably someone in my family
you said goodbye to: alan

o p p o s i t e | s e x

what attracts you: personality
last person you slow danced with: can't remember
makes you laugh the most: not sure
makes you smile: i don't smile very often
who do you have a crush on: n/a

d o | y o u | e v e r

sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to msg you?: no but i'm there anyways
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: no
wish you were younger: sometimes.
cried because someone said something to you?: yeah i think so

N u m b e r

of hearts I have broken: not sure
of guys ive kissed: 0
of girls ive kissed: 0
of continents you've been to?: 2
of tight friends: a bunch
of cds i own: a bunch
of scars on my body: 2

------<33-------------<3----<333------

1. Pick up a book and turn to page twenty two, line eleven, and write down what it says:
no books nearby
2. Reach out as far as you can to your left. what is the first thing you touch?: my cup
3. What are you listening to? Joshua Radin - I'd rather be with you
4. What are you looking at?: the clock ticking... 1 am..
5. Without looking at a clock, guess what time it is right now: i just looked at the clock fail
6: Now look at the clock, what time is it really?:1:08 am